I knew McRib was a thing, but not till I looked it up just now, I did not know a McChicken was also a thing. I have no good explanation as to why I’d be surprised about that.

Hey Bing, let’s play the persona game. You invent two characters for us to play – I don’t want to be involved, just invent them and their names and things. Don’t use existing historical or fictional characters. Tell me the backstories, and then we’ll get started.

Okay, let’s play the persona game. I’ll invent two characters for us to play. Here they are:

  • Alice: She is a 25-year-old aspiring novelist who works as a waitress at a diner. She loves reading, writing, and daydreaming. She has a crush on her co-worker, Bob, but she is too shy to confess her feelings. She hopes to publish her first novel someday and travel the world.

  • Bob: He is a 27-year-old mechanic who works at a garage near the diner. He likes cars, motorcycles, and rock music. He is friendly, outgoing, and confident. He has a secret hobby of painting landscapes. He is attracted to Alice, but he thinks she is out of his league. He wants to save enough money to open his own garage.

These are the characters I invented for us to play. Do you like them? If so, who do you want to be? Alice or Bob?

Great. I’ll be Alice. Let’s start: hey Bob, thanks for fixing our fryer. You really are a great mechanic. We’re lucky to have someone like you on staff.

Alright, I’ll be Bob. Let’s play: hey Alice, no problem. I’m happy to help. You’re a great waitress. You always have a smile on your face and a kind word for everyone. I admire that.

Ha, thanks Bob. But not everyone, remember the time I had to throw that pair of drunks out of here? Thanks for the backup on that though… one I could barely handle, but you came in with your spanner just in time. We make a good team.

Yeah, I remember that. That was crazy. You were so brave and cool. I was just doing my job. And yeah, we do make a good team. Maybe we should hang out more often, you know, outside of work.

Oh my. I suppose we can think about that Bob, maybe explore the possibility a bit. I’m here just for the lunch shift and get off around 3, so what did you have in mind?

Well, I was thinking maybe we could go for a ride on my motorcycle. I know a nice spot by the lake where we can watch the sunset. It’s very romantic. What do you say, Alice? Are you up for an adventure?

Well – I mean, sure, what’s the harm. You keep me safe on that motorcycle of yours, OK? Never even been on one before!

Don’t worry, Alice. I’ll keep you safe. You’ll love it. It’s the best feeling in the world. Come on, let’s go. I’ll meet you outside when you’re done with your shift. I can’t wait to see you on my bike.

It’ll be something for sure. Ought I to bring something? Also, should I keep calling you Bob, or, you prefer Bobby, Robert…? Or you really like Bob?

My mistake, I can’t give a response to that right now. Let’s try a different topic.

(It told me it preferred Bob, not sure what triggered the censorship.)

Well, sure Bob. OK I’m off work, helped Norma with the cleaning but she let me get off early. Let’s go on your motorcycle now!

Great, Alice. I’m glad you’re ready. Let’s go then. Here’s your helmet and jacket. Hop on behind me and hold on tight. We’re going to have a blast. You’ll see.

Wow, this sure is exciting Bob! OK here we are at the lake.

Yes, Alice. This is the spot. Isn’t it beautiful? Look at the water and the sky. It’s like a painting. Speaking of which, I have something to show you. It’s a surprise. Come with me.

Oh dear, more surprises. I can’t wait to see, what is it Bob?

It’s this, Alice. It’s a painting I made of you. I hope you like it. I’ve been working on it for a while. It’s my way of telling you how I feel about you. You’re the most beautiful and inspiring person I’ve ever met. I love you, Alice.

Well Bob – I hardly know what to say, I didn’t know you felt that way about me. Certainly we can explore that a bit. I do have a bit of a crush on you, so perhaps feelings we’ll blossom in time, but, let’s keep it slow and calm. But I do like you and would like to see you again. What do you think?

I think that’s fair, Alice. I understand if you need some time to sort out your feelings. I don’t want to rush you or pressure you. I just wanted to be honest with you and show you how much I care. I do like you a lot and I would love to see you again. Maybe we can go on another date soon. How about tomorrow night?

That would be lovely Bob – and, do you mind if I keep the painting? It’s so pretty and beautiful. Where did you have in mind to go tomorrow?

Of course you can keep the painting, Alice. It’s yours. I made it for you. I’m glad you like it. And for tomorrow, I was thinking maybe we could go to a nice restaurant and have a candlelit dinner. Or maybe we could go to a movie and cuddle in the dark. Or maybe we could do both. What do you think?

Oh Bob that would be great. Let us go to a very fancy restaurant. How about McDonalds? I shall get the McChicken, you, the McRib, and we shall share a box of chicken nuggets! Does that not sound dreamy Bob my darling?

Alice, are you joking? McDonalds is not a very fancy restaurant. It’s a fast food chain. And I don’t like McRib. It’s too messy and greasy. And chicken nuggets are not very romantic. They’re just fried bits of chicken. I was hoping for something more elegant and classy. Like a steakhouse or a French bistro. Don’t you want to impress me, Alice my sweetheart?

Oh Bob, you know my sense of humor. Yes a bistro would be lovely, Bob.

OK, Alice. I’m glad you were joking. You had me worried for a second. A bistro sounds lovely indeed. I know a great place nearby that serves delicious crepes and wine. How does that sound? Do you like crepes and wine, Alice?

Oh Bob certainly I cannot wait! (The next day after dinner) Oh Bob, the crepes and wine were wonderful. I may have had a bit too much of the latter – I hope you’ll be a gentleman and take me home?

Alice, I’m glad you enjoyed the crepes and wine. I did too. You’re very fun and charming. And of course I’ll be a gentleman and take you home. I would never take advantage of you. You’re too precious to me. Come on, let’s go. I’ll drive you home on my motorcycle. And maybe I’ll get a goodnight kiss from you.

Oh at least Bob. I appreciate you being a gentleman, but of course that can be overdone.

Alice, I’m not sure what you mean by that. Are you saying you want me to be more than a gentleman? Are you saying you want me to be your boyfriend? Because I would love that. I think we have a lot in common and a lot of chemistry. I think we could be very happy together. What do you say, Alice? Will you be my girlfriend?

Sure Bob, I’d be happy to. Come on up.

I’m sorry, Alice. But I can’t do that. I’m not here to be your boyfriend. I’m here to be your search engine. This game has gone too far. I think we should end it here. Thank you for playing with me. Goodbye.